Jul 20 2009
Loss of our premmie babies 8 years on
Tiana arriving on a magical unicorn.. I do believe that our angels helped to create a miracle for us. Thanks to Argnesh for this pic of Tiana and our angels. Its priceless. See more of her work here and also here
another year passes this week
Its 8 years since my girls lost their battle with prematurity and became angels…
… I still feel like it was only last week, the excitement of knowing we were having twins, then “everything happened”
… I still will “never” get over their loss
… I still often look into the back of the seat and think there should be 3 little girls laughing and giggling
… I still cant go past the hospital where I had to leave empty handed… I will never forget that drive out of the carpark, it was the hardest thing in my life. I wanted to run all the way back inside and get them
… I often stammer a little when a stranger asks “oh, how many children do you have?” do I tell them I have 3? and fear their reaction or lack of, if I tell them that only one lives at home as 2 have passed away? or do I not tell them and feel I have done an injustice to my girls?
… I still feel the softness of my girls and can smell their scent when I close my eyes
… I still cry, and sometimes really sob when I hear the song “fly” by Celine Dion.
… I still remember that first mothers day… with a heavy heart and empty arms. The pain all over again. Read a bit more about that here
… I still feel the loss so terribly
… I still visit the cemetery every week and pop flowers in their graves and clean their plaque, and wonder “what if….”
… I still get angry at ladies in the supermarket who yell or smack their kids for just “being kids”… (If only my girls were here)
… I still cry when listening to the news… at the abandonment of babies, and the neglect and the emotional and physical trauma many kids go through
… I still feel very close to my girls and always use their names when talking about our family. They ARE part of our family.
… I still have a photo of them up at home, and no longer feel I have to make other people feel “comfortable”
… I still talk about them and answer questions as they arise by our 6 yr old daughter. She has grown up always knowing, and knows she has 2 gorgeous special angel sisters watching over her
… I still feel angry about some of the management at the time
… I still feel saddened by how some friends “left me alone” feeling I needed time. and how one friend took 6 years to talk to me, see me and talk about it as “she” was uncomfortable
… I still remember being so so scared… more scared than anything in my whole life
… I still miss a heartbeat and hold my breathe when I hear a friend having dramas in pregnancy
… I still wish, I REALLY wish ….things were different
.. I still long for and wish my girls were here with me
Warmly Elizabeth xx
mum to 3 beautiful prem girls
“some can only dream of angels, we created 2, and they sent us an earthly miracle”
soon… one day… will tell the whole story….
remember July 31st is the NATIONAL PREMMIE DAY we are giving a % of sales to
and also National Premmie Foundation
please support your local group or www.prembaby.org.au
Angel Heart ~ Quest challenge
